Share's Advice to Aga Khan's Smart Telecom

Dear Agakan,

I am very joyful that you have come to start a telecom mast in Uganda also. I love you because you love trading and making business. You are a joke of all trades, and you make me get very aspired. Telephone business is a very boom here, so, welcome to save us from Chinese phone. You know they bring phone that use every charger, then after charge it immediate tell you mbu ‘please connect that charger quickly’ then the phone shut up soon immediately. There phone also have torch, radio, tv, scanner, printer, mirror, camera video, textbook, facebook, antenna all working at same time. Even when it ringtones children wake up and neighbors dance the kidongo! I am joyful that you are bringing 74 phones and people will talk for 74 minutes for one minute call.

Sir Agakan, You know I have done-done business in Uganda year come year go, and I have a long cv. Please carry my advise with you and you will have success chasing all over you in town. These advises are free and fair, no charging at all.

1.       Phone of five simcard: You shall bring phone of five simcard to Uganda incase your telecom mast company is to by truth be called smart. You see, a Uganda person has four simcard phone from china now now. They have put mtn, mango, utl, Airtel, Celtel, Warid, Zain, Hits, and now they shall need smart line also. Even although Warid and Airtel are making love together, Ugandas still have both two simcard, and they gonna want them when the divorce of those lovebird happen. So, bring phone of five simcard, and you will work money. For the other telecom organizations that compete you, dog will eat coffee.

2.       Fall in love and marry. Uganda is a country of love. That is why we have very many valentine days and couples. For e.g. Kate Middle and King William, Baby Cool and Barbie Kirema, Kabagabo and Olala, Moze Filimu and Radio, for example. So, if your truth is smart telephone company, please, please, find another telecom organization and fall in love, then marry it. You can marry Hits telephone company, and you will over compete these ones of airtel, mtn and celtel, in case airtel and warid refuse to divorce. Be careful to get a female company because the bills of gay and homosex are already at police. You see Mango and utl? How they look like appearing gay? No one knew the relationship until even now not yet. They are very suspicion with their activity, and very secret also.

3.       China is very serious with smart phone, so your smart telephone company shall must make a phone that have more things to do more than a China. For e.g make phone with fridge, photocopy, shoeshiner , making up kits for the female peoples, mathematics set, etc.

4.       Do promotion of English. My dear, bring promotion that is known in English language. All the other telephone company do their promote in funny hard vocals they look like the other headings of films for Ebonies. They say kyabisse, kyaaka, beelamu, kiro nnyo, kyakabi, name it but a few. People of Uganda are tired. You can’t ask government top help us, it just look at you like dog in hospital looking on its sick friend. Make yours like Be there, Night more, It is bad, it is burning, name it but a few. When I grow up I want to also do telephone trade, and I will sample those also.

I am sure you that you Agakan will make money in this boom. Don’t pay consultation, but I can become your pattern. All those working people you give work in your trades in school, university, clinic, even newspaper of monitors and radio, they must use Smart telephone, and their family, and their relative, and their friend, or not you chase them/suck them. That is market research already to start on. You man, you have clever, I wander who grew you and where she grew you from. I wish you lucky, happiness, profits and benefits and booming business.

Your friend in need,

Share.