Share's Monologue

I am sip this coffee and bread with angry, since because no one is love me this recently. There is no journalist person which is come to ask me any something at all, even not Nandutuuuu. Even the news paper in the press don’t write story over me whether for bad or for worse. Even peoples of Uganda they will forgotten me, both my face and my figure. Share, I have seen. Can you imagine? I have many more imagines.

Can you imagine for first and foremost, that when those boy were fight for my child of Desire, not one journalist even think it is mine? Now that Juma Psycho and simanyi who MP are everywhere, as if I am died and bury!! All the silly journalist persons din’t never come to say even “hello Share, can you father a baby?” They think that all the childrens that I have, they come from trees? I am cumbersome, I make baby, whether Desire, whether Awori, whether Nervous! Not Awori the other once upon a time talkative political, then Museveni push big job in mouth and he shut up, then he remove it away and he even shut up more; not that one, the police which hunt for people that eat gay may run on my behind!! I am mean the Awori woman that was sexy, she was once upon a time becoming miss Uganda with many girls of pageant.

I can father a baby, whether Desire, whether Nervous!!

Another imagine! These rebel MP that they want my best friend Museveni to be put in carbons to measure his years since ever he was born from the womb. They want to know if his ages are countable! They want to know if he has still age mates living. How can you put the president in carbon? The carbon they use to measure years of those history animals of dinaso, zinjaslopes and skulls of dead people, they want it to also use it on my best friend? Don’t they have calculator? Don’t they have math or accountants? Do they aware that when Uganda was not yet get independent the calendar was not yet made for Uganda? How did they want parent of president to see the month of the date of born from the womb? They should left the man a lone to run and even sprint like Bolt Hussein for president until death do us part between himself and Uganda.

Another imagine! That president was fire Colonel General Tumwine! Eh, will not the president end by fire himself also? He has fire and fire and fire eberyone, all the childrens he go to the bush to hunt Obote with! Now why can’t he fire also this Mutale Mirundi, the boy that speak words like they come from another hole instead of mouth?! The other day he say that journalist people call a good word ‘Kurikye’!! even although the other Nandutu boy of blank point of NTV tell him mbu the word is ; ‘cliché’, that Mirundi boy keep insist that it is ‘kurikye’!! Me if I am the Museven, I light fire as soon as there and then and fire her, that Mirundi!! And this fire-fire day and morning is good for me. All those job are vacants for me, I can  application again and get a job from president, job of where I am not have to go to Mafabi to ask in the committee. As in fact I am want to be body chairman of UNEB, this one of which the funny when  boy Fragile Monday resign it. People oba grew from where!! How can you resign fwaaa a big job when nga your friends like me are died of idle and boredom? If I am get that job of UNEB, no child will ever never fail again. You get a pen, write 90% on paper, finished!!!

I gonna sell Uganda to China, and take all Uganda people across to America

I have become a thinker, even my head is dancing round making many O’s now. Oba it is this coffee it has beer inside? I am see one things in two. I must be too much thinking, am I like a philosopher. That is the price I pay for becoming a patriotic. I care. I can sell the whole Uganda and take every people to America to live America dream. I see every people fight to go in America. We shall sell this Uganda to China. If I am MP of parliament I will propose the proposal to cabinet. My head is dancing around again more…….

Share's Letter to State House

To the Excellent

Statehouse Nakasero or Entebbe

Kampala or Entebbe

Dear His Excellent,

RE: JOB OFFER

How are you doing, how is Uganda? How is your wife or minister of Karamoja? How is the children? Thank you much for becoming good parent because the girls have become woman even they marry men. Even the boy have become a man, in marriage and even a commando. I am remember he was gone to a commando school there in America. I was also in America where I learn swimming, stapling, binding, and prison management.

His excellent, I am wander why you have not become Field Marshal. If me was you I be even beyond Field Marshal. If the boy of born yesterday have become Major Colonel, Brigades, etc, why about you which was born those days of David Livingstone and Henry Motion Stanley, and have been fight war ever since time and memorial? You have fight every war, world war, French revolution, Ngoni migration, Majimaji rebellion, Nyangire rebellion, you know that one of Kigezi in Bakiga!! Mbu Bakiga were also rebel tihihihi! Your excellent, I am sorry for laugh-laughing, but this one of Bakiga war eh!!

Your excellent, I am very sorry for people that are disturb you and make your big head pain with nights of unsleep! These one of Mbabazi who want to grab your animal that you slaughter and hunted alone! Why can’t he gone and hunt his own self an animal? Now mbu that young youths are doing division of themself and they bite each one another like grasshopper in the bottle because they are versus Mbabazi and you. By the way, do you eat grasshopper? They are very sweet, you can even eat it with wings and legs, nga its eyes are look at you open like this!!

Your excellent, you are full of vision, that why you saw that boy Anite and she love you too. Instead of putting your photocopy in 2016, just draw on the poster the photocopys of Anite and Musisi for campaign, you can even add mine, and we see who Mbabazi will draw on his poster. Sejusa? Machar? Who? You beat him hands and legs down. He is jumping the line backwards. He Mbabazi want to spoil East Africa unity, because it be for people with name with K. You see for e.g.  Yoweri Kaguta of Uganda, Silver Kill of Sudan, Huuru Kinyata of Kenya, David Kagame of Rwanda, Moses Kabira of Zaire, everywhere is K. Him Mbabazi should have come long ago during the M series; the ones of Mbabazi of Uganda, Mubutu of Zaire, Moi of Kenya, Mwinyi of Tanzania, Muammar of Libya, Mubarak of Egypt, Majambere of Rwanda, Mugabe of Zambia, but not Mandela of Africa. Mandela is holy president.

Also sorry for Lukwago, he make for you many noises there at Nakasero, you even shifted to another house in state estate of Entebbe to run from his noises. Him and these people of walk at work nga they are even jobless!! Then the followings of Lukwago also noised when you almost chasen him from the chair of land lord of Kampala versus Musisi. Now that you have remind him of the bikufulu and bijjegele that he wear and he swell that he sing ‘mayor lord … mayor lord’, and that you have throw them in water, he will gonna silent with anger or  hunger.

Mr excellent, I write this short letter to application for a job, any job, even although this latest vacant will do. The one of dead MP. I have now caught you red handed, so don’t start ngu “there is no vacant wala wala, I am not yet refashle cabinet,wala wala!" No. Me those ones I won’t allow! This vacant is very there. He dead, and I was at burial place, we burry him, I left when after we have put cement on the grave yard. So don’t lie me, and don’t send me to ask that park of Mafabi mbu asking “wamma Mafabi, should president give Share a job?” This one is there, and is sure deal. Me I love deal. Me I won’t stress you like these ones of Nsereko, Sekikubo, and this other one who look like he be drunk forever, etc. Me I will be there near Oulanya, nga I am kye! They bring book, I signature. They bring Motion, I put hand even leg up to say big yes.

But if another person has already apply it, leave them alone, and give it to me. But if not, I can also be Kyabazinga or even mufti. The other time I was wanna apply for being headmaster of Makerere university or Kyambogo, but no sooner was I buy a pen to write the application and then those people passed my behind and put those other people of Mugonyera and Ddumba and Katunguka. I was also want to application for Kabaka job but I still love my life and breathing. You know talking on Kabaka is like putting stick in a saucepan of these tough ants with painful teeth, the nsanafu. Remember other time when you refuse him to enter Kayunga, or when the graves of the dead body of Kabaka were burning on Kasubi, those Baganda put block roads and they see a old boy of long nose and they say ‘Tambula ng’oMuganda’ and he start to walk bounce-bouncing like boy with demon in pocket! What they did to him!!! You were not there!!! So, these people of Kabaka don’t jokes.

Your excellent, thank you for job offer. You have vision.

Your friend in need,

Share.